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Clean funny jokes
                    for children

Everyone needs a laugh now and then. Here are some clean, safe riddles and jokes to tell your children that you may have forgotten, but probably heard as a child.

Here Are Some Of Our Favorite Childhood Jokes
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Olive who?
I love you too!

What kind of stories do frogs like?
Ones with hoppy endings!

Why shouldn't you tell a pig a secret?
Because pigs are squealers!

When is a door not a door?
When it is ajar!

What tree can you hold in your hand?
A Palm Tree!

How do you keep a dog off of the road?
Put him in a barking lot!

Why is basketball such a messy sport?
Because the players dribble all over the court!

What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!

What do you call two bananas?
A pair of slippers!

"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Wayne, who?"
"Wayne, wayne go away; come again another day."

Why did the cucumber blush?
It saw the salad dressing.

Teacher: Sarah, if you had ten dollars and I asked you to give five dollars to your brother, how much would you have left?
Sarah: I would have ten because I don't have a brother!

Mom: Everything is going up -- the price of food, clothes, everything. I wish something would go down!
Daughter: Here, take a look at my report card!

What do you call a cow without any legs?
Ground beef!

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Duane who?
Duane the bathtub, I'm drowning!

Why did the frog cross the road?
So he could hop a bus!

Billy: Did you know it takes 6 sheep to make a sweater?
Julie: I didn't even know sheep could knit!

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
I didn't know you could yodel!

Where do sheep go to get a haircut?
To the Baa Baa Shop!

What is the loudest color?

What happened when Garfield met the pan of lasagna?
It was love at first bite!

Who's there?
Boo who?
You don't have to cry it's only a joke!

What do you get when you toss a red rock into the Green Sea?
You get a wet rock!!

Why didn't the skeleton go to school?
He didn't have the guts!

Mother: Marie is so smart. She walked when she was 8 months old.
Other Mother: You call that "smart"? When my Cindy was that old she let us carry her!

Marie: Guess what, I was on TV!
George: For how long?
Marie: Until my mother said to get off!

What did the painter say to the wall?
One more crack and I'll plaster you!

What happened when the tomato, the faucet and the lettuce were in a race?
The lettuce was a head; the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketcup!

How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and act like a nut!

Why was 10 afraid of 7?
Because 7, 8, 9!

What was the elephant doing on Route 66?
About 4 miles an hour.

What is round, red and hairy, goes "poppety pock pock" weighs 900 pounds and has huge claws?
Nothing, but if you see one, start running.

Why are elephants wrinkled?
Have you ever tried to iron one!

What happens when you take a bath?
The phone rings!

What looks like a dog and barks like a dog, but isn't a dog?
A puppy!

Why do birds fly south for the winter?
It's too far to walk!

What's the smallest room in the world?
A mushroom!

Why did the dad wear a bathing suit to work?
He was in a car pool!

Why do elephants wear tennies?
Because ninies are too small and elevensies are too big!

How do you catch a unique dog?
You neek up on it!

How do you catch a tame dog?
Tame way!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side!

Why did the fox cross the road?
To get the chicken!

Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell station!

Why did the girl throw the clock out of the window?
She wanted to see time fly!

What kind of sharks never eat women?
Man eating sharks!

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana again!

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Howard who?
Howard you like to have ice cream for breakfast!

Emily: Yay! The teacher said we would have a test rain or shine.
Jennifer: Then why are you so happy?
Emily: Because it is snowing!

Why is a baby like an old car?
They both have a rattle!

Where do lions sleep?
Wherever they want to sleep!

Teacher: Lottie, if you had two apples and I asked you to give your brother one apple how many would you have left?
Lottie: Two.
Teacher: Two? Are you sure??
Lottie: Yes. My brother doesn't like apples and he would give the apple back to me!

Teacher: Howie, if your father had ten dollars and you asked him for five dollars, how many dollars would your father have left?
Howie: Ten.
Teacher: Howie, you don't know your math.
Howie: You don't know my father! 

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